I Just Wanted
by cici.mel1978
Summary: Casey and Raph have been keeping their relationship from the others and he never thought much about it. He understood Raph wasn't ready to come out the dark but with the entrance of Mona Lisa. Casey is now feeling replaced. Will Raph tell his brothers? Or is Casey right? [Casey/Raph]


**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT . If I did I would be much richer. This story is during the Mona Lisa episodes or even after all of them if you wish.**

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"Case…" Raph's words were sounding odd, choked out as I close my eyes continuing to walk away. From him. From that. From us.

"Don't bother…" My speed picked up. The spaceship wasn't big enough.

Did he hear me? Maybe. Maybe not, but I had to keep walking. Tears were burning at the corner of my eyes and I wasn't sure how long I could hold it all in. I bit my lip. Every step had me teetering closer to the edge.

The room felt hollow as I dropped the bag on my back. Ignoring the sounds as they clanged to floor. I welcomed the noise, the slight distraction.

"Please..."

"NO!" What was that broken sound? Me? Maybe it sounded better to his ears than mine. Less pained and fucked over. I couldn't believe this shit. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to scream.

Looking at him only made her spring back up in my head again. She's everything I'm not. I knew that shit for a fact. I'm not a mutant. I'm not familiar but I thought it didn't matter when it came to me and him. He knows me. I know him. Sometimes I couldn't believe he was mine. That this shit was real.

Now I'm realizing that maybe we're just too different. The secrets. Sneaking around corners. Lying to his brothers. I can see it clear now.

Damn, I'm stupid. So fuckin' stupid…

"Just listen…" he steps closer. His eyes pleading as I step back. I try to tune him out. Ignoring those damn green eyes.

"I didn't. I didn't think…" he scrambles for words as I feel a three fingered hand on my shoulder. His touch burns and I jump back. His face falls.

I need to ignore that shit because now I feel so fucking alone and it's swallowing me whole.

What do I do now? What the hell do I do? Stay? Go?

He moves closer and I have to catch my breath. Too close. Too damn close! I clench my fists. Ignoring the pain in my palms as the images run in slow motion. Him with her. Her with him. Her picking him up. Their lips touching.

I'm boiling inside…

"Casey…" His hand reaches out and I glare at him.

"Don't touch me" I growl out through clenched teeth before he tries again.

I look at that hand. Still out there. Lingering.

I want him to. I want his hands on me. I want him near me. I want him telling me that shit didn't happened. That he wasn't kissing her.

I hear nothing and the rage only grows.

Is he even still mine?

I want to say fuck everything.

He comes close again. I'm shaking. Nails digging into the palm of my hand and biting my lip as I taste blood on my tongue. I feel at the edge. He comes closer and I fall.

"Stay the fuck away!"

I see nothing. Just him. Just her. Them. My fist shoots out. Again and again. I scream at him to go. Go back to her. Leave. He's not fighting back for once.

Fucking coward.

My throat hurts. Its aching. I hit him again. Again and again. Fueled by my rage until I'm not feeling a fucking thing.

My cheeks feel wet.

Tears?

I shut my eyes tight. My cheeks feel more wet. I can't stop. Why can't I stop? I'm shaking and feel his arms around me. I can't even get the energy up to hit him again, but I'm trying to find some. Reach for some from somewhere, but nothing's coming up.

Nothing at all.

"I'm sorry Case" he whispers. The apology reaches my ears but the tears still won't stop. I bite my lip. I can hear my own choking sobs.

It's all bullshit. The words he says. Nothing is stopping him from leaving. He left to see her before. Why would he stop now? I should put a hockey stick to his head. The fucking liar.

He keeps going back and I'm tired of it. Of this.

So damn tired.

"I...I'm…"

He clutches me tighter. The words are on the tip of my tongue. To finally say I'm done but his arms are so tight around me. Now it's the only thing holding me together.

"It's…" he scrambles for words again. "Case..."

My name sounds like a whisper. Damn voice. Careful and husky. Rough.

I can almost pretend. Pretend he didn't use that same mouth to speak to her. That I didn't hear him call her name or see that look on his face when he saw her the second time. That none of it happened.

"It was s'pposed to be a joke…."

I have nothing to say to that. I laughed before. I can still remember that damn question It wasn't that long ago but back then I thought it was just something to throw everyone off. Get his brothers off his back.

I'm not laughing now.

"But then…" he keeps on talking and I struggle to understand because it explains nothing. Not the second time. Or third. Not each time he was with her or forgiving her for betraying us.

"It turned out she liked me..." his voice barely a whisper and I feel struck. Harder than any fist or kick.

I changed my mind. Stop talking. I start growling and try to get away. I don't want to hear anymore. Nothing he says is what I don't already know. Seeing is believing and I saw it front and center.

Is it supposed to hurt this bad? This much?

He keeps holding me and I can't move. His touch is burning.

Stop touching me! Don't hold me!

I can feel his arms let up and fear courses through me.

Do I want him to stop?

Fuck. I don't know. Damn turtle.

"I just ain't expect her to even want me" his voice low and against my ear.

I swallow hard while in some fucked up between of clinging to his voice and wanting him to shut the hell up.

Now he's not talking and it's quiet. So damn quiet.

Images come and I try to stop my brain . I try to quiet my brain, but the thoughts come anyway. I was the only one disgusted. The rest weren't. Only me.

"Ya bros...everyone..they like her" finally I get some words out and even laugh.

Trying to laugh like the last time when I thought it was a joke. Just a way to get them off his back, but it came out broken to my own ears.

"She's more normal for you, right? That's why you forgave her. She's easier…the better choice. She's….'" I can't even stop the words from tumbling out.

Each one stabbing. I always knew I wasn't enough. His brothers are just glad he's happy. April is too. All of them are. Maybe I should be too.

"NO!"

His grip tight on my shoulders. Shaking me. I know I'll have marks on my skin later. I don't even know what all slipped out to make him sound so angry. I don't care anymore.

"Fuckin' bonehead! I love you! You! NOT HER!"

His screams ring in my ears. My heart sparks.

Me. He loves me.

I finally look at those green eyes. My vision is blurry from tears, but I can see that green from anywhere.

"I'll tell them. Don't leave." he grabs hold of my hair. Forcing my face close to his. My head to his. One look in those eyes and I'm crazy enough to believe him.

I look at those lips that touched hers and crash my face to his. Teeth click together. My nose bends to his snout. Fuck it hurts but damn if I care as I bite his lip. Searching out his tongue. Hot and heavy as we battle but like hell I'm not winning.

Every inch of me burning. Soaring. I growl as my grip tightens on his biceps.

I want to remove her taste. Her feel. Her touch. Burn me in his brain. Ingrain that shit until his thoughts begin and end with me. I just wanted everyone to know Raphael Hamato is mine.


End file.
